Remember When?

Let's take a stroll down memory lane shall we? About two years ago at this time, our lives changed forever. Stacey was pregnant — not showing yet, though — and we were beginning to assess our needs...crib, furniture, diapers, know-how, iron maiden...you know, all the routine stuff.

Though it had only been a few months since we'd found out we were gonna be parents to something other than a dog, well-meaning family and friends began the onslaught of offering us the perfect baby name.

"How about Alestair? Venera? Zoe? Moon Unit?"

Alright, so most names were were offered were a little less unconventional than some of these, but everyone seemed to have the perfect name for our kid — even people we didn't know very well — and all felt obliged to share. Thanks but no thanks. "Not to sound difficult, but any name you suggest will be automatically thrown out of consideration. So, unless you want this kid to be named clownpenis.fart, back off and stop naming names before they're all gone."

Rather than call the baby "it" throughout the pregnancy, we decided to call him "Indian Larry," after the motorcycle-riding thug of the same name. Yeah, that's him. Pretty fella, ain't he? This kept us from slipping up and calling the baby "Connor" to family and friends once we decided on that name, plus it was funny for about five minutes, although the joke wore thin (for me at least) pretty quick. Plus, if you wait 'til they're born for the big reveal, nobody will tell you then that you picked a lousy baby name...unless they're a total asshole or you named your kid Moon Unit.

Now that we've got some distance between us and Indian Larry (who fell off his motorcycle and died during a stunt three months after Connor was born) I can almost laugh about it again...the business about the name, that is, not the crash, sicko.

At least we didn't call him "lasagna" like my brother and sister-in-law did with their unborn. Of course, they started affectionately calling her "pumpkin squirrel" after she was born. I'm not sure which was worse.

Aside from it not being funny for more than a day, I was worried that Connor was gonna hear this story one day and think we were idiots for calling him that. Now, however, I realize he's going to think we're idiots either way. I'm cool with that.