The Final Countdown
Ten reasons why my day was better than yours:
10. Tiny fingerprints all over my glasses. Gunk on my glasses — be it fingerprints, sweat residue, hobo blood — would normally drive me batty, but when I pull the frames off my face and see the teensy smudges, it only makes me laugh...then I promptly clean that crap off, cuz we ain't havin' no dirty specs.
9. Root beer. When I was a kid, the only reason I would drink root beer, was if we stopped for fast food (an all-too rare occurrence in my po' family) and I didn't want my mom asking for a sip or three. It's the only soda we knew of that she wouldn't want. Last week, I discovered that I really like root beer and bought a case at Wal-Mart on Monday. I think a man feels more like a man when he's working out of doors in the springtime if he can have a bottle of root suds.
8. Barney in bed. When Connor woke up from nap #2 so sweaty that I thought he had snuck out of the crib for a quick shower, I knew that it was time to utilize the newly hooked up Playstation2 in our bedroom and watch a Barney DVD, since he was pretty groggy and needed some snuggle time. Being so out of it, he laid next to me for awhile and we watched it together. I can honestly say, that's the first time I actually enjoyed watching Barney...well, almost.
5. Oops, I told you I was bad at math.
4. Stealing from Big Lots. I think he's trying to impress his old man, because today, Connor swiped a knockoff Matchbox car from Big Lots. The kid's got balls; I waited until I was at least four to start lifting stuff. I should probably fess up as his accomplice, though. Connor had been walking around the store with an auto detailing brush he found on one aisle, when he happened upon the tiny toy automobile. Bye bye, brush. Hello, car. It looked like it had been run over by a shopping cart as the roof was all dented in. I figured the store couldn't sell it anyway and it wasn't worth the hassle of trying to distract him to wrangle the car away from him. Score one for the little guy(s).
3. Skateboarding 101. Today, during nap #1, I somehow found a video online of pro skater Reese Forbes demonstrating his monster ollieing ability. (Here, if you're interested.) Connor sat on my lap as I began the process of teaching him how to skate — in theory only. It's a tiny bit different once you actually step on the board. Some dads teach their kids baseball...I'll teach Connor kickflips and power chords, thank you very much.
2. Sleeping like — you got it — a baby. Yeah, I'm a lazy bastard. Each morning, today included, I usually sleep until about 8:00, wake up, check my e-mail and a few important websites while I wait for Connor to wake up. Plus, he usually naps for at least a total of two hours each day, and often more. I'll bet you were working on TPS reports while I was watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force, huh?
1. I'm a dad. Need I say more?
10. Tiny fingerprints all over my glasses. Gunk on my glasses — be it fingerprints, sweat residue, hobo blood — would normally drive me batty, but when I pull the frames off my face and see the teensy smudges, it only makes me laugh...then I promptly clean that crap off, cuz we ain't havin' no dirty specs.
9. Root beer. When I was a kid, the only reason I would drink root beer, was if we stopped for fast food (an all-too rare occurrence in my po' family) and I didn't want my mom asking for a sip or three. It's the only soda we knew of that she wouldn't want. Last week, I discovered that I really like root beer and bought a case at Wal-Mart on Monday. I think a man feels more like a man when he's working out of doors in the springtime if he can have a bottle of root suds.
8. Barney in bed. When Connor woke up from nap #2 so sweaty that I thought he had snuck out of the crib for a quick shower, I knew that it was time to utilize the newly hooked up Playstation2 in our bedroom and watch a Barney DVD, since he was pretty groggy and needed some snuggle time. Being so out of it, he laid next to me for awhile and we watched it together. I can honestly say, that's the first time I actually enjoyed watching Barney...well, almost.5. Oops, I told you I was bad at math.
4. Stealing from Big Lots. I think he's trying to impress his old man, because today, Connor swiped a knockoff Matchbox car from Big Lots. The kid's got balls; I waited until I was at least four to start lifting stuff. I should probably fess up as his accomplice, though. Connor had been walking around the store with an auto detailing brush he found on one aisle, when he happened upon the tiny toy automobile. Bye bye, brush. Hello, car. It looked like it had been run over by a shopping cart as the roof was all dented in. I figured the store couldn't sell it anyway and it wasn't worth the hassle of trying to distract him to wrangle the car away from him. Score one for the little guy(s).
3. Skateboarding 101. Today, during nap #1, I somehow found a video online of pro skater Reese Forbes demonstrating his monster ollieing ability. (Here, if you're interested.) Connor sat on my lap as I began the process of teaching him how to skate — in theory only. It's a tiny bit different once you actually step on the board. Some dads teach their kids baseball...I'll teach Connor kickflips and power chords, thank you very much.
2. Sleeping like — you got it — a baby. Yeah, I'm a lazy bastard. Each morning, today included, I usually sleep until about 8:00, wake up, check my e-mail and a few important websites while I wait for Connor to wake up. Plus, he usually naps for at least a total of two hours each day, and often more. I'll bet you were working on TPS reports while I was watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force, huh?1. I'm a dad. Need I say more?
posted by Carter at 7:38 PM
4 Comments:
I don't remember when I first stole something, but I do remember when I first got caught...Do you remember? I stole handfuls of gum and candy from Revco and Piggly Wiggly. Mom caught me with it at home and made me tell dad when he got home and took me back to Piggly Wiggly the next day to apologize to the manager. I couldn't have been more than 4 or 5 when I did that. (Mom never knew that some of those goods came from Revco, sparing me a second humiliating apology...hehehe.)
I did learn my lesson, though.
I never got caught again.
Dear Bill, I would say it is never to late to right a wrong, but Revco is out of business, so there will have to be some other penalty - with interest, of course, since it's been so long. Perhaps we could call in "Earl" for some help.
And you better be kidding about just not getting caught, Mr. Sticky Fingers.
I also hope Connor's dad is exaggerating about leaving the store, even with a mangled car, or we're going to need Earl again.
He's not kidding about leaving the store. He showed me the car when I got home from work. I must agreee that the car is pretty banged up.
For C: I'm not sure who this Reece person is but I bet there are lots of ads for free lance writers before and after his demo. :)
Just love the ref to shawshank redemption. We missed you guys this weekend!
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