What I Know Fer Sure
Wow, two Oprah-themed titles in a row. One might think that since I've started staying home all day, I've developed a new favorite show. (Actually, the only show I try to watch regularly is The Batman...man, that's been a real productivity killer.)
Oprah may be the queen of daytime television, but she is a horrible interviewer. Case in point: her favorite question to ask people is, "what do you know for sure?"
"Uhhh, the sky is blue, puppies are cute, and you're a nincompoop?"
Anyway, I realized today that I've picked up a few nuggets of wisdom in the past few months, and I would be downright selfish if I didn't share a few of them. So, here are -ugh- a few things I know, like, for sure. Totally.
-Bathing before bed
When I was in elementary school, I developed a habit of taking a bath at night and sleeping in my clothes so I could spring forth from the bed at a moment's notice and be ready for action (after all, what would Batman do?). This recently revived practice has kept me from being too stinky all day when Connor wakes up before I have time to shower. Notice I said "too stinky," and not "not stinky." I am hanging out with a little kid. I'm bound to smell a little. (And don't act like you don't think you stink a little right now.)
-Cheerios addiction
I know this one isn't exactly a secret, but holy crap are Cheerios a godsend. I don't know what it is, but kids will instantly calm down if you give them a handful of tiny, baked oat circles. I've checked the ingredients...there's no addictive drugs that I can find.
-Copying my bad habits
Again, not exactly a secret, but I had no clue that kids mimicked behavior this early in life. Connor is now swearing (Oh, shit! is a favorite) and spitting quite regularly. I haven't caught him scratching "himself" or picking his nose in the car yet, but I'll be sure to let you know when those little milestones happen.
Oprah may be the queen of daytime television, but she is a horrible interviewer. Case in point: her favorite question to ask people is, "what do you know for sure?"
"Uhhh, the sky is blue, puppies are cute, and you're a nincompoop?"
Anyway, I realized today that I've picked up a few nuggets of wisdom in the past few months, and I would be downright selfish if I didn't share a few of them. So, here are -ugh- a few things I know, like, for sure. Totally.
-Bathing before bed
When I was in elementary school, I developed a habit of taking a bath at night and sleeping in my clothes so I could spring forth from the bed at a moment's notice and be ready for action (after all, what would Batman do?). This recently revived practice has kept me from being too stinky all day when Connor wakes up before I have time to shower. Notice I said "too stinky," and not "not stinky." I am hanging out with a little kid. I'm bound to smell a little. (And don't act like you don't think you stink a little right now.)
-Cheerios addiction
I know this one isn't exactly a secret, but holy crap are Cheerios a godsend. I don't know what it is, but kids will instantly calm down if you give them a handful of tiny, baked oat circles. I've checked the ingredients...there's no addictive drugs that I can find.
-Copying my bad habits
Again, not exactly a secret, but I had no clue that kids mimicked behavior this early in life. Connor is now swearing (Oh, shit! is a favorite) and spitting quite regularly. I haven't caught him scratching "himself" or picking his nose in the car yet, but I'll be sure to let you know when those little milestones happen.
posted by Carter at 6:47 PM
3 Comments:
You are just trying to freak out the grandmothers and I know better. But your point is well taken.
To the Grandmothers...he is telling the truth. Although I'd say it sounds more like "Ah, shit." I should go ahead and be blamed for that one...and Grammy knows why. I haven't seen him spit but I've seen him try.
To blame Grammy he would have to utter "triple shits' with machine gun speed. A feat which Connor's mother also learned at an early age. The good news is you can stop with the right motivation. Perhaps a Cheerios bribe is in order for both Dad and Son!
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