Missing in Action

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is with a heavy heart that I begin this blog tonight. My longtime companion, my Swiss Army handyman knife is gone — it's somewhere in the land of lost items, along with the three other things I've lost in my lifetime (a pager, a pair of soccer shin guards and a hacky sack). [I don't lose much stuff, okay, so when I do, it leaves a lasting impression.]

Some might say that I brought this on myself by letting Connor run around with it — but, in my defense, we had already watched our quota of TV (usually the go-to calmer-downer) that day, and playing with my knife always calms him down. Who can blame him. There's nothing like the cold steel of a sharp blade. Am I right? Don't front.

Now, all I have to remember my old companion are his close pals the tweezer and toothpick that I so responsibly took out so Connor couldn't swallow them. They're nice, don't get me wrong, but I'd much rather have the main course than the appetizers — sorry, guys. Anyway, time's a wastin'. I've got some sofa cushions to disembowel and a metal detector to buy.

I miss ya, buddy.