Watch yourself
Maybe it’s because we used to watch the show as a family when we were kids, but I have loved America’s Funniest Home Videos ever since it first aired — even with Bob Saget’s awful one-liners and segues. (For the record, the new host, Tom Bergeron, is infinitely better than Saget and stopgap hosts Daisy Fuentes and John Fugelsang.)
[I should mention that I also have a similar affinity for bloopers shows, Carol Burnett specials and Charlie Brown holiday specials, probably because I grew up watching those as well.]
Anyway, I’ve watched enough episodes of AFV to learn one inescapable cosmic truth: every guy will get hit in the balls in his lifetime. A secondary element of this truth is that once a man has kids, his chances of getting hit “down there” is increased by at least 1000 percent.
Prior to having Connor, I figured I’d sustained enough devastating blows in mine nether regions as a kid (soccer games, skateboarding, etc), but I’m now certain that my streak is about to come to a swift and painful end. It’s not that I’m not cautious, either. I am very careful to, uh, cover myself whenever he’s got an opportunity to strike at the goods. But, now that he’s throwing stuff with ever-improving aim, the odds are stacked so high against me that it’s really only a matter of time.
I’m thinking that I should ask for this for Christmas this year.
[I should mention that I also have a similar affinity for bloopers shows, Carol Burnett specials and Charlie Brown holiday specials, probably because I grew up watching those as well.]
Anyway, I’ve watched enough episodes of AFV to learn one inescapable cosmic truth: every guy will get hit in the balls in his lifetime. A secondary element of this truth is that once a man has kids, his chances of getting hit “down there” is increased by at least 1000 percent.
Prior to having Connor, I figured I’d sustained enough devastating blows in mine nether regions as a kid (soccer games, skateboarding, etc), but I’m now certain that my streak is about to come to a swift and painful end. It’s not that I’m not cautious, either. I am very careful to, uh, cover myself whenever he’s got an opportunity to strike at the goods. But, now that he’s throwing stuff with ever-improving aim, the odds are stacked so high against me that it’s really only a matter of time.
I’m thinking that I should ask for this for Christmas this year.
posted by Carter at 7:47 PM
5 Comments:
I like how you use all of those subtle references to 'down there' after just coming right out and calling it "getting hit in the balls" at the start of your post. funny.
Man, every day I run across another thing that makes me glad I've got a girl.
just wait until she wants to date. I'd prefer to get hit in the balls several times a year than deal with that :) Actually, when your daughter wants to go out on that first date, it probably feels like 16 years worth of getting hit in the balls, all at once. So let's call you guys even.
Wait a minute. Just because you have a girl doesn't mean she doesn't posess that "baby radar," which gives her a sixth sense about how to instantly cripple you.
Mark my words...it's coming, and there's nothing you can do about it.
As a father who has both a girl and a boy, I can say that my package is no more or less worse for the wear from either one of them. As small children they have no idea that putting an elbo in Daddy's crotch is not exactly the best way to cement ones grip in preperation for climbing onto his lap. "Big Sister" had this funny way of running and jumping feet first into my lap, while I was sitting on the floor watching T.V. I had never seen stars until that day.
Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually, if you have kids you are destined to get one in the nutz!
Post a Comment
<< Home