Crack Kills
THERE'S A LEAK IN THE WHITE [TRIMMED] HOUSE! Well, until today there was, at least.
It seems the plumbing in the house we're living in isn't quite, how do you say, working? The downstairs toilet sprays water every time its flushed, the upstairs sink dripped constantly so we just shut its water supply off, and the downstairs shower leaks so much I think less water comes out when the shower is actually on. In that light, we had ourselves a visit from a plumber today to fix all of the aforementioned problems.
In my defense, I could have at least fixed the toilet, but the shutoff valve was so stripped I couldn't turn the water off and didn't know where our shutoff valve outside the house was located.
When the plumber arrived (sans drooping pants, I'm sad to report) I had to do a doubletake. I admit that I may have lost a bit of my credibility last week when I claimed that Connor and I hung out with Burt Reynolds, but I swear that today our plumber was Tim Conway. (It could have been ex-Enron CEO Kenneth Lay — he could use the cash — but I'm pretty sure he's gettin' poked in the pokey.) It was either that or an unemployed Tim Conway impersonator because, let's be honest, the world's funniest man (I'm dead serious) hasn't done much since the Dorf videos.
Okay, so you don't believe me. Let's move on.
It's a safe bet that the dude who built this house (I'm pretty sure it was a weekend warrior project) was not working from any blueprints. The stairs are uneven, the walls don't always meet where you'd think they should, none of the plumbing fixtures resemble anything our plumber had ever seen before, there are visible seams at the drywall joints, the screened-in porch blocks half of a den window...you get my point. It's a kickass vacation house for those certain sick individuals who call themselves fishermen, but it wasn't built for everyday occupation.
We should have known that what promised to be an in-and-out fix-it job turned into a six-hour plumb-a-thon. The leaky shower faucet was either an incredibly outdated piece of equipment, or the guy who built the house made it from scratch. The plumber couldn't find any parts to fix it with (despite leaving to check out several different supply sources during the day), so he had to install a completely new faucet. It wouldn't be a problem if the house had been built from blueprints that had been drawn with the knowledge that people MIGHT ACTUALLY NEED TO WORK ON THE HOUSE AT SOME POINT.
After cutting a 16"x16" hole in our laundry room and filling the entire house with the wonderful aroma of brain-numbing plumbing glue, we had a sparkly new shower faucet. After all that work, I didn't feel like telling them about the sink upstairs. Besides, that's the sink nearest where I change Connor's poop diapers. Who needs to wash their hands after that?
It seems the plumbing in the house we're living in isn't quite, how do you say, working? The downstairs toilet sprays water every time its flushed, the upstairs sink dripped constantly so we just shut its water supply off, and the downstairs shower leaks so much I think less water comes out when the shower is actually on. In that light, we had ourselves a visit from a plumber today to fix all of the aforementioned problems.
In my defense, I could have at least fixed the toilet, but the shutoff valve was so stripped I couldn't turn the water off and didn't know where our shutoff valve outside the house was located.
When the plumber arrived (sans drooping pants, I'm sad to report) I had to do a doubletake. I admit that I may have lost a bit of my credibility last week when I claimed that Connor and I hung out with Burt Reynolds, but I swear that today our plumber was Tim Conway. (It could have been ex-Enron CEO Kenneth Lay — he could use the cash — but I'm pretty sure he's gettin' poked in the pokey.) It was either that or an unemployed Tim Conway impersonator because, let's be honest, the world's funniest man (I'm dead serious) hasn't done much since the Dorf videos.Okay, so you don't believe me. Let's move on.
It's a safe bet that the dude who built this house (I'm pretty sure it was a weekend warrior project) was not working from any blueprints. The stairs are uneven, the walls don't always meet where you'd think they should, none of the plumbing fixtures resemble anything our plumber had ever seen before, there are visible seams at the drywall joints, the screened-in porch blocks half of a den window...you get my point. It's a kickass vacation house for those certain sick individuals who call themselves fishermen, but it wasn't built for everyday occupation.
We should have known that what promised to be an in-and-out fix-it job turned into a six-hour plumb-a-thon. The leaky shower faucet was either an incredibly outdated piece of equipment, or the guy who built the house made it from scratch. The plumber couldn't find any parts to fix it with (despite leaving to check out several different supply sources during the day), so he had to install a completely new faucet. It wouldn't be a problem if the house had been built from blueprints that had been drawn with the knowledge that people MIGHT ACTUALLY NEED TO WORK ON THE HOUSE AT SOME POINT.
After cutting a 16"x16" hole in our laundry room and filling the entire house with the wonderful aroma of brain-numbing plumbing glue, we had a sparkly new shower faucet. After all that work, I didn't feel like telling them about the sink upstairs. Besides, that's the sink nearest where I change Connor's poop diapers. Who needs to wash their hands after that?
posted by Carter at 8:20 PM
1 Comments:
I think we need to post some pictures of our house because the way you made it sound people will think we live in dump. Its actually quite a nice house...even if it was built by one man's hands.
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