"Don't Dream It's Over"

My lemonade-based fast lasted exactly three days. I might have made it longer, but Chick-Fil-A lemonade gets expensive after a while, ya know?

Even though I wasn't feeling weak, I decided to end the cleanse on Friday night for several reasons. Primarily, I wasn't giving it my "all." Since we live in a part of the world where decent produce is considered a luxury, getting the ingredients for the "lemonade" (grade B maple syrup, for example) proved quite difficult. Plus, I couldn't find the right herbal laxative tea, so I didn't feel like it was a particularly good idea to continue without, uh, eliminating some of the toxins that I was supposedly loosening within my body. Basically, they (including the parasitic worms that I never did get acquainted with, dammit!) were just floating around in my system instead of being deposited in the toilet. Speaking of the toilet, I probably used a thousand gallons of water just flushing the toilet as I found myself leaking more often than Mary McCarthy, the recently fired C.I.A employee. Ba-dum-dum

Plus, squeezing the lemons proved to be the most time consuming and taxing part of the whole process. Stacey has a juicing attachment for her Kitchen-Aid that's packed up right now, so tracking that down should make this regimen easier in the future.

I was really more interested in getting my bearings with the fast this time around, than pursuing an extended "cleanse." Now that I know what to expect, I can head into it with more confidence and planning next time, which I've yet to pencil into my day timer, although it consists purely of trips to the park and Wal-Mart. Translation? I've got some spare time.

Rather than overload you with details, I'm breaking this entry into two parts. Tomorrow, I'll deal with the hows, whys and whats — and in the meantime, I'll be enjoying the hell out of some bean burritos.

What do you mean I didn't learn anything?