"The Audience Is Listening"

Every summer, Regal Theaters hosts a free PG- or G-rated movie for kids on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings. I didn't find about this well-kept secret until just recently and hadn't had an opportunity to try it out until today.

Judging by Connor's behavior, though, it's just as well.

We arrived early enough to get a decent seat (25 minutes before showtime) becase I correctly assumed that the daycare kids would be out in full force. But, since the theater shows two films (today's selections were Willy Wonka and March of the Penguins, most of the rambunctious older kids were in the former, while we camped out in the theater screening the documentary with kids a bit closer to Connor's age, as well as a few fixed income elderly couples who had snuck in, sans grandkids.

Although Morgan Freeman is credited as the narrator in March of the Penguins, Connor apparently felt that Mr. Freeman's storytelling capabilities left much to be desired.

As soon as the film started, Connor began his own narration, convinced that everyone around him needed an extra audio guide to what was happening on screen.

"Where are the penguins?...There they are!...They are walking!...There's the moon!...That penguin fell down!...He's being silly!...It's snowing!...I want some juice!...Where is that penguin going?...Those penguins are snuggling!...That penguin is sleeping!...HE'S AWAKE!!!...When are Mater and McQueen coming out?...I gotta do a pooper!...In my diaper!...I wanna go home!...That boy is looking at me!...

We made it about 30 or 40 minutes in before I decided to spare the other patrons Connor's incessant babble and escorted Mr. Motor Mouth out of the theater – before an usher could do it for us.